Alt+Wine

Despite a protracted publishing break, the Alt+Wine love for the infamous Vampire V. at WickedWinesOnline.com is eternal so we’re back to recount his latest exploits.

He’s gone a little merch-heavy on this one, including only 3 bottles of his second favorite beverage. However he is including a bunch of branded glasses, stickers, and my personal favorite: VAMPIRE DELIVERY. All this for only $149.95

Unfortunately, he’s stopped writing about his romantic and timeless exploits in the product description section, so we’ll just have to fill in the blanks ourselves.

One day I’ll order one of his eternally delightful packages. Until then, however, I’ll be admiring the mysterious V. and his marketing acumen from afar.

Well, readers, here it is. The Twilight New Moon Wine Package. For only $139.95 you can have it all and the infamous V will deliver it for free.

I have to say, I was a bit disappointed in the write-up, as the last one was FAR more romantic. 

While searching through the interwebs today, I came across THIS:

This AMAZING Twilight Wine Package features 12 bottles of Vampire wine and the original Twilight movie DVD. For $150. This is being offered through the online store… wait for it… wickedwinesonline. YES IT’S TRUE.

While wickedwinesonline offers more than just Vampire wines (others include Sasquatch Cellars and Blue Tongue), the reason it is my new favorite store is its creation and subsequent shameless marketing of this particular package.

Not only has the site created some INCREDIBLE artwork, but the product description is in the form of personal correspondence to “My Dearest” from a 300 year-old vampire and self-declared “romance aficionado” who signs his letter with only “V.”

Below, I am including an excerpt of this letter:

My Dearest, 

I would like to invite you to join me and enjoy a Vampire wine tasting experience while watching one of the best vampire movies ever; Twilight.

…

I handpicked 12 bottles from 6 different vampire grape varietals in hope that you my dear will fall in love again, like I did so many times in the past centuries.

Who is this mysterious V.? Did he really fall in love that many times, or did he just crush a lot? Why hasn’t he bothered to keep up with punctuation trends in the last 300 years if he enjoys personal correspondence so much?

It’s questions like these that weave themselves into the siren’s call that is this Twilight Wine Package. I’m intrigued. I don’t usually buy wine online, but with an x-factor like this, it is surely worth the hassle. Stay tuned…

Eternally yours,

L.